This year we have so much to be thankful for. Three months ago we got those two pink lines we’ve always dreamed about. The anxiety, excited-ness, fear, and joy set in. We were pregnant! We told our incredible families and sweet home group and asked for prayers over this angel. We would save the big announcement until our first sonogram or second trimester, where we would be able to see our little angel and feel more comfortable with the world knowing our exciting news. That day finally came and nervousness had set in. We were so excited to see our baby, but I was so nervous. We went into the sonogram room and quietly waited while the tech was overly quiet. Cooper held my sweaty hand as my heart was beating through my chest – there’s our baby, I see it. It didn’t last long and the tech turned everything off and gently explained that our baby did not have a heartbeat. As tears rolled down my cheeks I questioned her. I saw our baby, maybe she just missed the heartbeat. Unfortunately I was wrong and our baby had passed away, somewhere around 8 weeks old. The next few weeks were filled with tears, questions, doubt, anger. How did this happen? Why? Our hearts broken losing someone we never even got to hold in our arms.
So much truth filled our hearts during this most difficult season (one we’re still very much walking in). We know our God is good. That He loves us. That He knew these days, both the joy of finding out and the despair of losing, before even we were born. (Psalm 139:16) We had to put these truths on repeat in our hearts and mind. That He works all things together for His glory and our good (Romans 8:28). “This will bring Him glory” my sweet husband kept telling me. He is so right. It will. It already has.
But with those truths also came lies. “You’re not worthy”. “You did something wrong”. Guilt, shame, anger, and fear would peek itself in at times.
But these lies are just that, lies. Our God is good, and He would remind us of the truth at such perfect times (Psalm 34:8, Psalm 119:68, Psalm 107:1). He would quiet my fears and shame and remind me that I am His.
He reminded us that all gifts are His that He allows us to steward for Him. (James 1:17, Psalm 127:3) Our children are His children. We own nothing here on earth (Revelation 4:21). Holding that gift for 8 weeks was a blessing. One we will cherish and appreciate forever. But she’s home with her Father now, safe in his fold.
He reminded us of His deep love for us. If we could love someone as much as we love this baby, whom we have never met or held yet, how much more does our Creator and Father love us? (Romans 8:37-39, Ephesians 2:4-5, Romans 5:8, 1 John 3:1) The answer? A lot.
We’ve been reminded that this world is broken. (Genesis 3) That we are in need of a savior. And He’s given us that savior. (Romans 6:23, Romans 5:11, John 3:16-17, Ephesians 2) The Gospel has felt so real and so true in this darkness. “This is where the gospel story begins, in a broken and needy place. But it is not where it ends. The sting of death is real, and it is horrible. But it is not final.”
He’s given us hope. (Hebrews 12:2-3) As we mourn and grieve we do so with hope. We have hope that Jesus is returning one day and He will wipe every tear from our eyes (Revelation 21:4). He is redeeming and saving and making new. (2 Corinthians 4:16) Death has lost its grip. (Isaiah 53:5)
Because of this hope and these truths we celebrate this precious life and wait with anticipation for His return where we might see our baby again – healed and home free.
So this Thanksgiving we are thankful for a Lord who gives great gifts, that He loves us so much more than we can fathom, that He is good, that He works all things together for His glory, that He heals the broken-hearted, for the hope that He’s given us, and for the Gospel. What a great King we serve!